Just Stop It?
Feb 2nd
“Just Stop It!”
Wouldn’t it be great if overcoming our sins and our struggles was as easy as simply telling ourselves not to do it?
This sketch of Bob Newhart as therapist is funny, but unfortunately, hits very close to home for most of us. How many times has the voice of our inner critic and our accuser yelled “Stop It” when we struggle with our issues? How often have we pictured God as being angry and disappointed with us because of our sin…sitting across the desk yelling “Stop It! When will you get your act together?”
For years I lived under the “if I know better I should do better” way of thinking and this video humorously points out that just saying “Stop It” to ourselves and others isn’t a remedy for sin. When we are simply trying to modify our behavior in our own effort and fail, we try to work even harder and find a different formula or way of doing things to make it work out differently next time. This leads to deeper shame and a feeling that we have let God down or that He is disappointed with us because we can’t deal with our sin on our own.
The wonderful truth of the Gospel is that we are powerless to deal with sin on our own and God, knowing just how helpless we were, provided a Savior!
Are you trying to deal with your sin by simply yelling “Stop It” or are you bringing the truth of the wonderfully scandalous Gospel into your struggle?
Luther On Growth
Feb 1st
This life, therefore, is not righteousness but growth in (an alien) righteousness, not health but healing, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it; the process is not yet finished but it is going on; this is not the end but it is the road; all does not yet gleam in glory but all is being purified.
Martin Luther
Our Life Story in 5 Short Chapters
Jan 26th
by Portia Nelson
Chapter 1
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost …I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 2
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place,
but, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in …it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter 4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter 5
I walk down another street.
Hallelujah!
So which chapter are you in right now?
Secret Sins
Jan 24th
Dana Stoddard brought an excerpt from Puritan William Gurnall’s classic book The Christian in Complete Armour
“When the Spirit convicts you of sin, Satan will try to convince you, ‘It is such a little one–spare it.’ Or he will bribe the soul with a vow of secrecy: ‘You can keep me and your good reputation, too. I will not be seen in your company to shame you among your neighbors. You may shut me up in the attic of your heart, out of sight, if only you will let me now and then have the wild embraces of your thoughts and affections in secret.’ “
I wrestled for almost 30 years with my secret sin and am thankful that God loved me enough to expose my heart that was whoring after safer lovers. I believed two main lies…1)that I was the only Christian man who was struggling in this area, and 2)that I could eventually beat this secret sin on my own and no one would know the difference. My reputation could escape unscathed.
There is no way to defeat pornography and sexual sin alone. The enemy of our souls convinces us that it isn’t a big deal and then, when we give in, is relentless with his scathing rebuke that leads to deep shame. If you have been believing the lies and feel trapped in the sin cycle, there is help available. As scary as it might seem to step into the light with your secrets, it is the only way that leads to healing. If you need someone safe to talk to, I’d be happy to talk. As a fellow struggler, I will bring grace and love and not judgement and condemnation.
If you are interested in getting your own copy of Grunall’s book, I have provided a link below.
What are your secret sins? Do you have genuine community in your life where people know you warts and all?
A Meditation on Psalm 103
Jan 22nd
(Take a moment to read Psalm 103.)
Perhaps more often than we are used to doing it, we should unashamedly sound forth a resounding “Hallelujah.” With unblushing faces we should shout out the blessing of our God. Whatever the deep feeling that each of us may cherish within our souls, let us realize anew that the redeemed are to say so. Christian faith is not designed to be a silent and hidden treasure. It is a jewel to be displayed for the glory of God. Our good works are to be done before men and our light is to shine, not for men’s praise, but to praise the Lord. He is the Master-workman Who works in us both to will and to do of His good pleasure. Psalm 103 is part of inspired Scripture which elicits from us the note of hilarious praise.
There are no neutral sections within the anatomy of the soul where God’s praise is absent. All that is within me: my mind, my emotions and will, and whatever faculties are lodged within God’s creative handiwork, are to burst forth in blessing to our God. We know by faith that God is infinite, eternal and unchangeable in His attributes. This is sufficient ground for us to express praise, but when we recount the benefits God has bestowed is there not a bubbling up of adoration and thanksgiving which nothing should restrain? When we pause to think of sins forgiven and at last all diseases healed; when we ponder the rescue from destruction and the crowning of lovingkindness and tender mercies; when we remember with satisfaction the discovered good things and the renewal of strength as the eagle gathers in it’s mountainous flight, how can we resist joining David with “Bless the Lord, O my soul”?
It is the Lord Who is the execution of righteousness and Who justifies us by the imputation of the righteousness of Christ to our account. Yes, let my soul burst forth in joyful lays in the contemplation of sovereign grace. In a world gone mad in its sin and misery, ever ripe for the judgment of God, let us be glad that God takes note of the oppressed who cry day and night for his response. In a world suffocating in its reliance on its own ability to fathom the secrets of life we treasure the revelation God has given to Moses. We shall measure our song by the law and testimonies and grasp all of Scripture which unfolds the meaning and implications of what God revealed to Moses. Let us be deeply moved to Spirit-led utterance when we see the redeeming acts of God. It is impossible for us to remain quiet in the light of sins forgiven and wrath diverted from us to His beloved Son. This is not just a momentary pardon, but a separation from our sins that eternity can never bridge.
When we think of God’s fatherly kindness and pity toward His children; when we are aware of the lifting of the curse that fell upon Adam and his posterity so that the dust has but a momentary apparent victory, we wait with exhilaration the final victory when Christ returns to call His own from their respective dust. And then we shall bless the Lord for His everlasting mercy in the atmosphere that will be free from the groans and sighs which mark our wilderness journey. The covenant keepers will be resplendent and angel voices will join the harmonious anthems of victory and blessing. At last the new world of created things will clap its hands and shake with joy as the reverberations of the saints’ triumphant songs ripple everywhere.
Yes, bless the Lord, O my soul — even now!
The Scandalous Gospel
Jan 22nd
A month or so back, I wrote a guest post for Serena Wood’s blog Grace is for Sinners called “Exposed”(she even had the audacity to call it “Affair Week”! Oh the nerve!) where I recounted the events that led to my first affair.
Before I sent it off to Serena, I shared it with my wife Melody and we both had a good cry over it. Some of the comments and emails that I received after that post asked why.
Why would I drudge up the memory of that day?
Why would I bring up the pain?
Why not let the past be the past?
The simple answer?
Grace.
The first 30 years of my life, I felt I needed to perform a certain way in order for God to love me. To do this, I minimized my sin and kept lots of secrets. At my core was a deep unbelief in the wonderfully scandalous Gospel…He loves us just as we are!
When my sin was exposed, it hurt like hell. It was beyond embarrassing. I went from a perfect reputation to moral leper overnight.
But God met me there. I began to see how truly amazing His grace is. He didn’t save me because He had good taste. He saved me knowing full well I would have affairs.
That I would lie.
That I would break my vows.
To my wife.
To Him.
When I was working hard to keep a pristine reputation, I had to minimize my sin in order to keep up the front. Now that my life has been totally rocked by the truth of the Gospel, I don’t have to hide anymore. And because of that, I no longer have to minimize my past failures.
As Paul shared with the Church at Corinth…
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
We can only boast in our weaknesses when we truly believe He loves us as we are.
What weaknesses are you boasting in today? How do you bring the Gospel to your past failures?
Please Give to Help with Disaster Relief in Haiti
Jan 20th
Yesterday I was moved to tears as I scrolled through the horrific images that were beginning to come out of Haiti in the aftermath of Tuesday’s earthquake.
Total devastation.
Please take a moment and step into their story. Take a moment and scroll through the pictures and pray for those who are still looking for loved ones. For those who desperately need medical attention. For those who need hope.
And then consider doing something more. Prayerfully consider clicking the graphic below and giving generously to Compassion International to help with the Haitian relief effort. Or you can simply text the word “disaster” to 90999.
Simple. Easy.
Let’s be His hands and His feet.
We Need a New Normal
Jan 7th
Melody and I have been working lately with two couples who are in the throes of the emotional shrapnel that ensues when the “secret” first comes out. In talking to both of the guys, I sensed that both had a very strong desire to get back to their “normal” lives and their “normal” routines. It is anything but fun to have your world turned upside down, especially by sexual sin.
After talking to one of the guys a week or so ago, I started thinking about how relative “normal” is. This thought was in the back of my mind when I read two quotes from two different books within days of each other. The first is from Paul Coughlin’s No More Christian Nice Guy
“If you take ownership of your life and the issues that keep you passive, then what you may call a catastrophe is likely the beginning of a better life for you and for those who love you.”
And in To Be Told
“Adversity introduces us to ourselves.”
The reality is that all of us are wounded kids in adult bodies. We live in a broken, fallen world and none of us has escaped the pain and the heartache that results. For years I pretended to have it all together, but when I truly started to believe the Gospel…that God loved me intimately just as I am…I realized I no longer had to pretend I wasn’t wounded or broken. Rather than spend so much energy denying my own woundedness, I could invite God into those broken places and allow Him to begin the healing He desired to do in my heart.
Our childhood wounds distort the lens through which each of us sees the world and shapes our “normal”. What I thought to be normal growing up I now realize was intense loneliness. But, because that was all I knew, I thought that loneliness was “normal”.
Although I absolutely hated it at the time, I can honestly say today that God was loving me well when He continued to expose my secret sins. Out of His intense and furious love for me, He completely obliterated my “normal” and began to teach me grace as I sat in the rubble that was left of my precious reputation. I can relate to both of the above quotes because I was forced to go through the painful, gut-wrenching journey of knowing myself.
If you are reading this and have secrets that you are protecting at all costs and can’t imagine life continuing if your secrets are revealed, that is not the “normal” that God intends for you. Consider that maybe, just maybe, there is a life of authentic freedom and grace available to you if only you would be willing to bravely and boldly step into the chaos. The healing that you so desperately desire can only take place as you boldly step into the light and chose to trust your Father. It will hurt like hell. No sense lying to you or sugar-coating it for you. Trust that there is a pain that heals and that God wants to lance your wounds once and for all and give you a brand-spanking new normal. Stop fighting it. Your sin will find you out eventually.
If your sin has already been brought into the light and you are currently in the middle of the ensuing chaos, God has not and will not abandon you. Crawl into His lap and allow Him to hold you and bring a soothing salve to your brokenness. Begin to experience His scandalous grace today and trust that He will show up in your situation. If you are married, trust that He will also take care of your spouse, as well.
What you might see today as the worst day of your life…your secrets being revealed…you can one day look back and realize that it was actually the absolutely best day of your life.
He wants to bring beauty out of the ashes. Will you let Him?
Happy 2010!
Jan 3rd
Yeah, it’s a repost – but one I get asked for every year about this time. So, here you go – Enjoy!
So, have you broken them yet? You know – those pesky little annual failure reminders we like to call resolutions. We’re a few hours in yet, and many resolutions are already forming the foundation of failures and frustration for 2010. I, however, just completed one of my resolutions, and that was to form one sentence using at least four words beginning with the letter f.
Resolution.
Such a strong word, isn’t it? It can be such an inspirational word. Resolve. Resolute. The word makes us seem so strong doesn’t it? I am resolved to do this. I am resolute about that. So strong. A large difference between resolution and resignation, isn’t there?
Could it be possible that resignation is the way to go? Could it be possible that New Year’s resolutions are just another illustration of insanity? Addicts know the definition of insanity well, don’t we? Doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result. It has been a way of life for us, and when we come to the end of a year and everyone begins touting their resolutions for the next year, we quietly resolve to ourselves that this is the year that we quit. This time, I mean it.
Then stress enters the picture as it always does, and we begin to seek medication for the pain and discomfort we feel. Then we look like this:
The deal is this…we think that the answer to our problems is trying harder. We just need more will power, right? It really comes down to this – the battle for control. We try to gain more control over ourselves. Why can’t you just stop, right? Just try harder. You can do it, c’mon, buck up little camper… When that doesn’t work, we then figure the problem must be the people around us. Our spouse, our boss, our friends, our church, our pastor, our neighbors, our lawn service, somebody, anybody other than us. It must be those losers we hang out with – if only they would get better and stop bothering me…
This is when some of us decide to “try God.” This usually amounts to a frantic prayer that sounds something like this – “Dear God, please take this craving away. Please help me stop doing this or that. Thanks. Amen.” Or even this, “Oh Heavenly Father, please take this extra weight off of me, Thanks. Amen.”
Trying God really means tailoring God to meet our desires. Anything about Him that gets in our way, we just try and cut that out. It’s like we are tailoring God to fit us, but this is not the Gospel. If we are in control, and making God fit us, aren’t we still in control? Haven’t we proven ineffective enough? We are God in this picture, and then we will say, “I tried God, but that didn’t work.” What we mean is that we continued our cycle of insanity and named it God for a bit.
The Gospel is not about exerting control, it’s about exiting control. It’s not about resolutions, it’s about resignation. It’s about surrender. It’s about realizing that we are incapable of controlling ourselves and others around us. Jesus says in John 15:5, “Apart from me, you can do nothing.” Nothing. He is the vine, and we are the branches. Branches do not create fruit. The branch is utterly dependent on the power and life force of the vine. The vine works through the branch to produce fruit.
This is tough for many of us, particularly Americans, as we are very fond of the concept of independence. The Gospel is about dependence.
If we will surrender control to Christ, and seek Him and His glory in all that we do things get much better. The reason those traditional addict prayers don’t work is that God will not take magically take our cravings away from us. I have found that He waits for us to crave Him over our flesh, and that’s when He sweeps in with His empowering grace to guide us.
Instead of making God fit us, the Gospel is about God stretching us and tailoring us into the image of His Son, Jesus Christ. How could we not want that? Why do we act in opposition to that? If we surrender, and allow God to make us more like Christ, what happens to our addictions, imperfections, and concern for our own image?
It’s an ongoing process that takes place over the rest of our lives, if we are followers of Christ. It’s called sanctification, and it requires surrender. It’s the first of the 12 steps – admitting that our lives are unmanageable and that we are powerless. It’s also the first of the Beatitudes. Jesus said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit.” Dallas Willard translates that, “Blessed are the spiritual zeroes.”
Paul understood it well. Read what he wrote to the Romans,
“I can anticipate the response that is coming: “I know that all God’s commands are spiritual, but I’m not. isn’t this YOUR experience?” Yes, I’m full of myself – after all I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison. What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So, if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, IT becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary. But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t DO it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it. I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question. The answer, Thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.”
What can you really control? All I can really do is surrender.
This year, let’s not focus on our resolutions, but our resignation. What do you think?
What’s your experience with resolutions?
