We Need a New Normal

Freedom Melody and I have been working lately with two couples who are in the throes of the emotional shrapnel that ensues when the “secret” first comes out. In talking to both of the guys, I sensed that both had a very strong desire to get back to their “normal” lives and their “normal” routines. It is anything but fun to have your world turned upside down, especially by sexual sin. After talking to one of the guys a week or so ago, I started thinking about how relative “normal” is. This thought was in the back of my mind when I read two quotes from two different books within days of each other. The first is from Paul Coughlin’s No More Christian Nice Guy where he says, “If you take ownership of your life and the issues that keep you passive, then what you may call a catastrophe is likely the beginning of a better life for you and for those who love you.” And in To Be Told, Dan Allender quotes an anonymous individual who said, “Adversity introduces us to ourselves.” The reality is that all of us are wounded kids in adult bodies. We live in a broken, fallen world and none of us has escaped the pain and the heartache that results. For years I pretended to have it all together, but when I truly started to believe the Gospel…that God loved me intimately just as I am…I realized I no longer had to pretend I wasn’t wounded or broken. Rather than spend so much energy denying my own woundedness, I could invite God into those broken places and allow Him to begin the healing He desired to do in my heart. Our childhood wounds distort the lens through which each of us sees the world and shapes our “normal”. What I thought to be normal growing up I now realize was intense loneliness. But, because that was all I knew, I thought that loneliness was “normal”. Although I absolutely hated it at the time, I can honestly say today that God was loving me well when He continued to expose my secret sins. Out of His intense and furious love for me, He completely obliterated my “normal” and began to teach me grace as I sat in the rubble that was left of my precious reputation. I can relate to both of the above quotes because I was forced to go through the painful, gut-wrenching journey of knowing myself. If you are reading this and have secrets that you are protecting at all costs and can’t imagine life continuing if your secrets are revealed, that is not the “normal” that God intends for you. Consider that maybe, just maybe, there is a life of authentic freedom and grace available to you if only you would be willing to bravely and boldly step into the chaos. The healing that you so desperately desire can only take place as you boldly step into the light and chose to trust your Father. It will hurt like hell. No sense lying to you or sugar-coating it for you. Trust that there is a pain that heals and that God wants to lance your wounds once and for all and give you a brand-spanking new normal. Stop fighting it. Your sin will find you out eventually. If your sin has already been brought into the light and you are currently in the middle of the ensuing chaos, God has not and will not abandon you. Crawl into His lap and allow Him to hold you and bring a soothing salve to your brokenness. Begin to experience His scandalous grace today and trust that He will show up in your situation. If you are married, trust that He will also take care of your spouse, as well. What you might see today as the worst day of your life…your secrets being revealed…you can one day look back and realize that it was actually the absolutely best day of your life. He wants to bring beauty out of the ashes. Will you let Him?]]>


  1. Avatar
    Jerry Miller

    Traylor, what an amazing picture, crawling into our Father's lap. I am in the middle of that "ensuing chaos" and unsure of what lies ahead other than terrible pain and recovery. Your message here and our time talking has truly touched me, and I know the Lord will see me through all of this.

  2. Avatar

    "The healing that you so desperately desire can only take place as you boldly step into the light and chose to trust your Father. It will hurt like hell." yep. Powerful message! Thanks.